Our girls were born at 33 weeks 4 days. Too early to be born without a little help. You’ll likely recall from one of my first posts after we announced the twins were on the way that I really didn’t want to have to have a NICU experience. I know the statistics though and that it was more likely than not that we would at least have something more of a hospital stay.
When we realized that the girls WERE going to come early my biggest fear was not getting to a hospital with a NICU in time. There isn’t one anywhere near us as you know. So I can’t tell you the relief that I felt when not only did we make it to the hospital but we even were able to delay labor for a few “extra” days to give the girls a better start. It’s amazing how quickly your perspective can change.
All of that to say that I’m so very grateful for the hospital and staff that know what to do for our tiny babies. And even though I am grateful from the bottom of my heart, it’s still difficult to leave each day knowing that someone else is taking care of my babies instead of me. And it’s getting more difficult to be honest.
The first few days or week really, kind of flew by because the girls were making “rapid” progress. Or so it seemed to us. They got off of breathing helps and oxygen, jaundice didn’t end up being much of an issue, only one day on lights! They got their feeds up and came off the IV’s. So all of that happening, we had “news” nearly every day. Now that they have moved to Intermediate Care things seemed to have slowed down…. way down. Because now we are focusing on them gaining weight and being able to take their full feeds through a bottle. And unfortunately, they are not as motivated as mommy to get those things done. 😉
I know that they ARE making progress, I’ve just started to really REALLY want to take them home and love on them the way they “should” be. 🙂 This afternoon we visited the girls and Claire was showing hunger signs. She’s usually totally zonked out when I’m there in the morning/early afternoon. She was going to town on her little passi which was all I could give her. It was tough to put her back in her bed knowing that she was going to have to “wait” till meal time. I know it wasn’t TOO long till she’d get fed, but I also know she was likely to be quite upset before that time got there. At home, I would have fed her right then.
So it’s hard not to get to be “mommy” but rather more of an outsider or visitor. Our NICU experience has been so positive compared to so many, I know. And I’m still grateful every day that our girls are in the place they are. But I’m praying that they learn quickly and we can get all our family home and together. Like it’s supposed to be.