RazNoggle

As I’ve been thinking through our whole schedule and routine and such that having extra, non-family, people in our house requires I’ve been reluctant to pattern our days after a daycare routine. I’ve worked in some and one of the things I always told myself was that there was NO WAY I’d put my kids in them! Ha! I’m so thankful that God has allowed me to be a SAHM to my monkeys! Yes, there are dreary days where all I want to do is escape to the tippy-top of a mountain with some coffee and my journal and NO KIDS! But even on those days, in the back of my mind I’m still sooooooo happy that I get to be the one to spend the most time with my babies. Some people don’t have that choice, even though they’d like it, and others simply make the choice for daycare or preschool for their kids. They are NOT wrong!! I know that they want the best for their family and kids as well and are making their choices based on that. It’s easy to judge others and say they should be doing such-n-such, especially when it comes to home and family. I don’t know why we feel that it’s okay to do that. None of us has it all “figured out” and we certainly can’t make “right choices” for someone else’s family or kids. The pride!!! I have to remind myself of that frequently though because I too easily fall into that same awful mistake!

Anyway, that was mostly free. Based on my experience in daycare/preschool (and one of them was actually a REALLY good preschool!) I know that I don’t want to run my HOME that same way. BUT upon further reflection I know that the reason that they do things very structured and in a routine manner (at least at the good preschool, the other one I worked at was SADLY lacking in good management and structure and the kids were WILD and the “teachers” frazzled. It was NOT a good situation!!) is to keep things moving smoothly for the kids and the people working with them.

So I’ve decided to “steal” some of the concepts I learned at the “good” preschool to use with my own kids and especially on the days when the gals are over as well. This is the last week that I’ll have them till sometime after Baby shows up. I’m happy about that hoping beyond hope that perhaps I can get some good rest in next week. Unless of course, she decides to show up tomorrow on MY birthday!! Wouldn’t that be fun?? But I digress…
The main concepts that I am going to use are:
1) Praise and reward for the small things.
This concept looks like this. I ask everyone to clean up before we have a story time (oh and I’m going to use story time throughout the day as a transition for many things. I want to be doing more reading with them anyway, so this is a perfect place for it!) as I watch them clean up, I’ll encourage right attitudes and speedy cleaning by pointing out the kids who are displaying that behavior. THEN when it’s done I’ll choose the “best” cleaner-uper and then THEY will get to choose the story. See?? Using rewards such as getting to choose the story or the show or getting to go outside first, whatever, are rewards that I can use so that they don’t get used to getting a sticker for EVERYTHING!
2) Random stickers for desirable behavior!
Here we go with the positive reinforcement! I realize that I’m really week in this area. I kind of feel that since they SHOULD be obeying and having kind words and such that when they don’t they receive negative consequences. It’s how I roll, I know, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t change as well. So while I won’t back off on dealing out the appropriate consequences when necessary, I also want to work much harder on rewarding the right choices they make. So I bought a booklet of about a zillion stickers from Wal-Mart this week and have already had some good success in passing them out. The glee on kid’s faces just for getting to put a sticker on a sticker chart is amazing!! I need to capitalize on that for sure!!!
3) Activity time
We already do room time during the day in order for the girls and guys to have some separate play time, and me to be able to breath a little easier. The siblings are used to playing with each other all the time, even though I sometimes still have to intervene, it’s not as much as when all 4 are playing together. So while that is helpful in my day I’ve come to the very strong conclusion that it is NOT enough. One of these darling girls has a very domineering personality and likes to “run the show” to the best of her ability. After our long weekend with the lads I was seeing quite a bit of improvement in Qade’s attitude issues. Guess what happened after ONE day of having his “friends” back over? Uh-huh, major digression. As I watched them all playing outside yesterday I could easily pin-point why that behavior was surfacing again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to blame this little girl. God gave her a STRONG personality and due to different circumstances in her young life, it hasn’t really been controlled, and at 4 yrs old, she can’t be expected to know how to control it all on her own. I know that her parents are working with her, and she has learned that she can’t be “the boss” with me. But she still bosses all the other kids, and even when they are just playing. She is the one who decides what they play and even more HOW they play. That’s where a lot of the attitude comes in. So I want to really limit the time that she gets to be in control. That’s why I’m going to get some “activities” and have assigned play time. They will still get “free play” time during the day and of course while they are outside (for now), but it’s going to be a lot LESS! The past couple of days I’ve had Qade and Danielle sit at the table for a few minutes and practice cutting or coloring, and that is something that they can BOTH do, so they don’t feel segregated, but that is still controlled. See what I mean?? Anyway, I’m hoping that it helps bring a level of peace to our days, and especially to my heart as I get severely irritated when I see my kids being bossed and manipulated. But the attitude issues it brings out are completely unacceptable in our family, so we need to nip that one any way we can. I think if I’m more involved anyway, and have a better game plan for how we use our time during the day, that it will be a help to both Qade and Danielle.

So nothing “happened” yesterday. If it had, you’d be reading a different post with some pictures on it. BUT you’ll just have to have one with only words this time. Hope it’s still worth reading. I’ve come to the conclusion that I will indeed be pregnant forever! Yep, if that Wal-Mart store and grocery shopping with 2 toddlers in tow doesn’t ‘do it’ then I’m convinced nothing will. I’m happy to not be mormon! Can you imagine feeling like this for all eternity?? Not that just believing it makes it so, but I think if that were my beliefs I’d be very tempted to find something else around this time in pregnancy! (completely random… sorry about that!)

Do you remember me talking about the “witching hour?” Well, I discovered that I am NOT alone!! Not that I thought I was, but I actually found a blog post from someone else who also calls that afternoon slump for kids the witching hour!! Ha! You’ve got to read this because it’s good! Besides if you find yourself dealing with cranky-pants kids in the late afternoon, or any time of day really, some of these suggestions could be helpful to you. I too need to implement some of these for sure. The ones I’m specifically going to do are:

1) Limit my own screen time in the afternoons.
I need to do this anyway! I know that when I’m “engaged” in my cyber world, or even working on photos my attention for my kids is very limited and patience even more so because I feel like I shouldn’t have to be interrupted. Very selfish, and makes the witching hour worse because then I, along with my children, start acting like a….. well, you get the picture.

2) Sensory play!
This kind of falls into my ideas of the structured days. I need to be WAY more proactive about having activities for them to do besides just the typical “go play” that I fall back on way too often. I have also noticed that my lads WANT to be by me/on me during those rough patches. It’s, of course, the exact time of day where I least like to be touched because I feel like I’ve been mauled by children all day. Being 9 mo pregnant doesn’t help with that feeling either. Ha!
So what I need to do is make 4pm STORY time! Then the kids can cuddle with me while I read. After that I will have some specific activity for them. Coloring or play dough at the table will keep them somewhat contained while occupied, and hopefully give me a bit of time to get dinner well on the way. I’m looking forward to this because I know that it’s something I NEED to be doing more of and have just been dragging my feet.

I have a list of “manipulative” type toys that I want to get from Amazon during the time that I have my “baby break” from watching the girls. They are going to be building/thinking/moving types of activities, and they will not be for “normal play” but rather for activity time. That way I can use them to assign each child a specific activity that they will play with for awhile before letting them go back to playing together. I have certainly noticed that having separate play times helps everyone in this house function better. Each day either the boys or the girls have “room time” in the lad’s room. The girls are slowly adjusting to the idea. They don’t mind when the boys are banished, of course, but when it’s their turn Danielle at least is not really thrilled. I explained to her mom what I was doing though, so they didn’t get the impression that I was “locking away” their lil darlin’s all day. I also suggested that on the girls “room time days” that they be able to bring a special toy from home to play with or something. This week seems to be going well so far! Woo-hoo!!

Basically it boils down to my willingness to be more engaged in parenting these little ones. I honestly admit that this “stage” of kids growth and development isn’t my strong point. I’m not the kind of mom who just revels in getting down on the floor and playing blocks or cars or building things to let them topple them. It’s not my gift. Not saying that I don’t enjoy playing with my kids, but hopefully if you’re a mom too you get what I’m saying. I’m really looking forward to the age/stage when we can do things together like crafts that I don’t have to personally DO for them the whole way, and cooking together without having to wash the kitchen from floor to ceiling and give the kids, plus me, a bath too. Baking cookies, taking them to nursing homes, hiking around outside and knowing they can stay with me, bike rides, family walks that really do go somewhere. Those are things I’m looking forward to. Right now we’re not there, and I have to find my enjoyment in this stage as well. Believe me I am not wishing away these times, they just aren’t the “best” of kid times for me.

So I’m going to “dig in” and put real effort into being more in the moment with the kids as well as finding more creative ways that they can be involved in what I am doing. I know there are ways they can “help” as I go about my household chores and other activities. I’m often reluctant because I know that their help most of the time equals more work for me, but it’s important, and I just need to ‘chill’ as I often tell them! Ha!
There ya have it… my rather rambling post about another post I read that reminded me of another post I wrote. Ha ha ha!! Hey, my brain is functioning rather slowly these days, but sometime I’ll be able to put together 2 coherent sentences again……. I hope!

Here’s the second post for my wind-down, Wednesday! (And believe it or not I had to try 3 times to spell Wednesday right just now! Wow!) I call it wind-down because we’ve hit the plateau! Lunch is done, nap is underway and after this it should be all down hill!! I just keep thinking tomorrow is my FAVORITE day and a “left over’s” day to boot, so that’s gonna be the easy one. Friday I will most likely try to take it easy as well. I’m just beat! Stuart has requested of his daughter that she decide to join us on Friday night, so there ya go.

Monday was a big bummer of a day! I usually try to greet Monday with a “this is a NEW week” attitude even if I’d still rather be in bed and make it be Saturday again. This time around though, the attitude didn’t stick and I quickly found myself drowning in the circumstances of my day. The biggest being my hoodlum son #1 who picked that day to completely loose it! Regardless of what I was saying to him, whether it be telling him something, asking him to do something (oh my) or chastising him for something, the response I got was a fit or a whine or belligerent back talk. Hmmm…. At some point, not far into our oh-so-fun day I got rather tired of that and started being rather belligerent myself! Actually I was pretty ticked off! I know that in order to parent successfully and correctly I have to stay “in control” of myself most of all before I can expect to control the issues that I’m facing in my kids. So basically it was a wash as I’m sure you could figure out! I sent the sprout to his room where he continued to scream and cry for over an hour while I did what needed to be done for the other children. He then sat at the table for his solitary lunch, because the others were finished and after that had nap, which he threw another fit about. It was not a happy day! I sat at the computer and wrote to some older and wiser parent friends on FB asking for tips and ideas. And while none of what they told me was “new” to me, it was such an encouragement to hear that some of them had been there, done that, survived, and had sweet spirited kids now to show for their efforts. Yay!! The encouraging words that they sent me almost made me cry because I knew that the big I had been probably the worst of the problem all day. At least in the fact that MY own peace was considerably shattered as well as my confidence in my ability to actually be a good parent getting rumpled. And that’s okay. Sometimes I need a reminder that I really can’t do it, and I need the help and guidance from my Heavenly Father in order to be able to parent my own kids.

So, I’ve come up with somewhat of a game plan. I need to tweak it a bit and sit down with Stuart and get his input and takes on it, but I think that it’ll help for me to have a very detailed list in my head for “what to do” when these crisis strike! First, the fit-thrower will go into his room/bed to occupy himself with the screaming. This will give me time to “cool off” while the child is chilling out as well. I don’t want to be a parent who disciplines in anger. Next, once the fit has past, or majority of it has, I will calmly go into their room and discuss appropriate behavior as well as dealing out any consequences that need to be given as a result of their poor choices. Then we will go through our typical conversation where I ask some questions such as “Why did you get time-out?” they tell me, “What will happen if you do that again?” they tell me “more time-out” and then the, “What should you do next time?” and hopefully this will help them think of the appropriate behavior and then I can remind them of what they said when the next “situation” arrises.

Another part of my game plan is to really find good ways of rewarding their good behavior. I really do try to “catch” them being good and doing right and praising them for it. Yesterday was such a better day with Qade, and while I was having a conversation with him before nap I told him how proud I was of him doing so well at obeying Mommy right away. He said, “Daddy will be happy!” and he was right! Daddy had a serious talk with him that morning before he left for work and obviously Qade had thought on it some. Qade is our little “people pleaser” but I don’t want to use that to manipulate him to good behavior. That’s why we took it one step further. I told him that yes it does make mommy and daddy happy when he obeys, but that it really makes God happy when he does because God wants him to obey his mommy and daddy. It’s a daunting task for me to take heavenly truths and try to translate them into something my very young children can understand, but I know that it does sink in even if they don’t totally “get it.” So I’ll keep trying.

But beyond verbal praise I think I’m going to institute a sticker chart reward system where they can “earn” stickers by their good behavior. Not that I’m going to tell them “obey mommy and you’ll get a sticker.” But from time to time when the DO obey “right away, all the way, and with a happy heart” I’ll give them a sticker for their chart. I haven’t yet decided if they will get to “trade” in full sticker charts for a prize yet, but we’ll work all those details out. The point is, I want them to learn that while their bad choices lead to uncomfortable consequences (time-out, or seclusion in room) that good choices have pleasant “consequences.” Sometimes having something tangible like stickers or rewards can help them make that connection. I just don’t want it to be the REASON why they are behaving well which is why I probably won’t mention it much except when I’m pointing out what a good job they are doing. I still want to reinforce the concept that when they obey they are building the relationship with mommy and daddy and that it makes God happy.

So pray for us/me as we travel this sometimes bumpy road called parenting. The thing is, as I parent the lads my God is still parenting me, so we are all learning together as we go. I’m glad that God has much more patience with me than I have with the boys, that’s for sure!! I think they are much faster learners that I am by far!

Hope you all are enjoying your Wednesdays and that you can coast through the rest of the week well!

Toodle-oo

This article about stress being a choice really resonated with me.

I read a book, several times for various reasons, while in college called “Your Reactions are Showing.” It was more like a booklet pretty short, and even though I read it from cover to cover I can’t remember much about it beyond the title. That’s enough for me though. I realize that when I react to life instead of being proactive then I’m the one out of control, and it goes downhill REALLY fast. So this little article about choosing to be stressed was just another reminder that I don’t HAVE to live in my circumstance. I can live above them. Now before you think I’m getting all “zen” or something, let me explain. Rather than let my “dander” get up the moment a young lady, who is very used to be large and in charge in her little world, walks into my house barking orders at me through her mom, I can make the CHOICE to be the “grown up” and remember that she is 4 years old and still needs to learn many things. Then I CHOOSE to go about my day helping her learn what is an appropriate way to behave in our household. Know what I mean?

The stress part really struck home with me because stress is probably one of the emotions (?? is stress an emotion??) that I’ve been opressed by a lot recently. Again, our circumstances have been favorable for stress to grow in the past few months with camp, and pregnancy, and just being in a state of limbo. However, I don’t have to feel stressed out by all of that. If I am stressed, as often happens, it’s because I’m putting undue stress ON MYSELF, or allowing other’s expectations or even what I might perceive to be their expectations put stress on me. Come on now, be honest. Haven’t you ever been visiting someone with your beloved, always well behaved children and find yourself completely stressed out and unable to enjoy the visit because you’re so concerned that your kids might do “something” that will bother the other people?? I find myself in that boat frequently and am trying to coach myself to just “chill out” like I like to tell the kids. They ARE children and they WILL act childish, and unless they are in danger or destroying something, I really need to go with the flow and learn to be a more relaxed mom. Now that’s on the inside. I don’t know if anyone else notices that I’m stressed out, but on the inside I’m totally wigged out! Most of the time this will “show” eventually in how I’m REACTING to my kids and then to my hubby, because of course, I figure he should be helping me through this stressful situation even though I haven’t mentioned a thing about it to him. Aren’t we wives bad that way??? We expect our hubs to just read our mind and then when they don’t we hold it against them as a “Well he SHOULD have known!!” Silliness!

Anyway, those are some random thoughts that have been floating around in my slightly foggy pregnancy brain recently. It’s something that I am conscious of and trying to become more so. I don’t want to be a reactive parent OR spouse. Now that I have 2 more little people who, lets face it can be stress antagonizers, in my house I need to be even more on top of my own reactions. I know with God’s help I can keep my cool and keep home working in happy harmony even when the terrible horrible no good very bad days show up.

Yes friends and faithful readers. It is AT LAST the long spoken of, but never written “brewing post.” Ha ha ha!! Though to be honest, it’s not the post that’s been brewing. I’m just writing off the cuff. The IDEAS that it contains though have been rattling around in my noggin for quite a while. And to be perfectly honest the main reason that I haven’t written it yet is because I’m lazy and actually putting these concepts into words and publishing it for all the world to see means that I myself am going to have to do some changing. When I think about it, it seems like a LOT of work for ME, but I think, eventually, it will pay off in HUGE ways that will make it worth it all.

So you may or not have an inkling of what this post will contain, but I’ll keep you in suspense no longer. It’s about structure. Yep, that’s it. Hope it was worth the wait. Toodle-oo!!

Okay, so you know my wordiness enough by now to realize I cant just leave it at that! I’m sure I’ve mentioned that I’m a fan of schedules. For itty bitty babies through high school, college and just life! The schedule of course, flexes and completely changes with different phases of life, but in order to really get things done, and ever accomplish anything you HAVE to have some kind of schedule. When I was younger (as in jr. high even) I used to write out my day in chunks of half hours so that I’d have a schedule to follow. That usually lasted for a couple of days and then I’d can it. I don’t know that being THAT scheduled is necessarily healthy. I prefer to have wiggle room in my schedule and more than doing everything at the exact same time each day, doing things in the same order. For example: have breakfast, brush teeth, comb hair, get dressed. That’s the order of the schedule, but it might happen at 7am or start at 7:30 and if we’re LUCKY on a weekend 8!!! Know what I mean?

Now I have kept a loose schedule with the lads, and granted there have been some uh… diversions this year. But I realize now that I, as the mom, really have to step it up. I find myself somewhat frazzled and at the end of my rope more than I want to be. Sometimes that’s just going to happen. Life can’t always be predictable. But as far as I can influence it, I believe that having a more structured routine will bring peace and SANITY to the entire house. *Ahhhhhhh* can we all breathe deeply for a zen moment! Ha ha ha!! Hey, I’ve seen it work, I’ve even put it into practice with other people’s children and I know for a fact that it brings good results. It’s just the getting there part that’s work.

And that’s why I’ve been putting it off. Yes, I can be a procrastinator too. Sorry to burst your bubble. But I kinda enjoy escaping into my “cyber world” of Facebook friends and blog feeds. I’m isolated! I don’t have adult conversation!! I NEED to feel connected to the outside world!!! Those are all valid, honestly. But they don’t need to take up a huge chunk of my time. And if they are pulling me away from my kids, and home responsibilities then they are actually a BAD thing!! So setting up a structure and having a little LESS wiggle room in my schedule will actually be a good way to help me be more disciplined as well.

This year I’m going to be babysitting 2 little girls. They are our “friends” from our play dates that you may remember me mentioning. Well, the oldest is 4 and a half and the younger one is just a couple months younger than Myles. I have decided in our new ‘structure’ to begin preschool with Qade and Danielle. *sniff sniff* This makes me kind of sad and nostalgic because I just can’t think that Qade is REALLY old enough for this. But I KNOW that he is. His mind is like a little sponge right now and I want to capitalize on that and be the one who is “filling” his sponge with good things. So I have purchased the preschool curriculum from Answers in Genesis and am actually really excited about teaching him and Danielle from a Christian world view. This will help us have some extra structure to our mornings. It’s going to go something like this.
Breakfast
Singing time With ALL of the kids, except baby girl, most likely!
Days of the week review
CHORES! (this’ll be exciting! I’m going to print out picture cards of the chores they are responsible for and then they can put those in a basket once it’s finished)
Free-play (for about 1/2 an hour they can play whatever they like)
School time! (for Qade and Danielle this will likely last about an hour)
Room time! (for Myles and Hailey. They will play in the lad’s room, or the living room while we have school)
Snack time!
Outside play
Lunch
Story time
Nap for little ones
School time (for big ones)
Nap for big ones.
Snack time!!

That’s it in a nut shell, and I know I’ll have to tweak it somewhat, and there will be days, especially once the baby comes, that I know things won’t get done as well. Still I think that having that structure will help the kids. They will know what to expect and know what is expected out of them. It’ll be good once we get there. The transition where they learn to be content may be rough. For example the little ones and learning to enjoy “room time” while I work with the older kids on school. They may not appreciate being kept in a room, and I anticipate two unhappy faces peering over the gate for awhile. But eventually, I know they’ll come to enjoy it and even look forward to playing without the intervention of their older siblings.

There you go. Hope it wasn’t too big of a let down for all the time I spent hyping it up. It IS going to be work for me, but I know we’ll all be better off in the long run. I know that for me personally I absolutely MUST have the discipline to get up earlier, have a little me and God and coffee time in the morning, and then start the day out right and on the right foot! I honestly believe that some of the behavior problems I keep running into with the lads will pretty much vanish when they have better structure to their days. Of course structure isn’t a “cure” for all issues, and loving discipline will have to still reign. I plan to have, and use, the time-out chair for the kids I’ll be watching, and of course the boys will also have time out, in their room, if they need it. I anticipate fewer problems and more fun on a regular routine though. I’ll be sure to keep you posted and let you know my successes and failures along the way I’m sure!

Toodles, for now weary reader!

It’s funny how something can strike you, totally out of context, in strange and unexpected ways. Today, just in passing, Stuart said to me, “You have someone to cuddle with 24 hours a day!” Ha ha!! Guess that’s true. Only he was using it in the sense that HE should get to have all of the blankets because I should be warm already. Na-uh!

But I got to thinking about it, and it struck me differently. I do have someone to “cuddle” with 24 hours a day. It made me stop and consider, and be thankful. I’m so thankful for our little one ‘brewing’ in there! This pregnancy has been harder on me physically than either of the boys were, and sometimes I think I get a little caught up in the “aches and pains” or other annoyances (2am bathroom trips, anyone?) more than I should. Yes, my back/hip/whole pelvis is painful daily, but it’s not unbearable. Yes, sometimes I still feel that queasiness that I would like to forget, but it’s not bad. Sometimes I don’t remember to drink enough water all day so then I’m parched before bed and guzzle a bunch meaning that I won’t be getting as much undisturbed sleep. Sometimes I’m so exhausted that I feel like I can barely function while ‘baking’ a baby and chasing after my wonderfully rambunctious lads.

Yes, those days/things are there, but I also get to cuddle with my baby 24/7!! There’s just nothing like that! The kicks and jabs that sometimes rob me of sleep are something that I cherish. I love the fact that sometimes it feels like our baby girl is just stretching for all she’s (and I’m) worth. I love that I can put my hand on my largish belly and she will often respond with a wiggle or a kick. Yep, I get to cuddle her 24/7! Who knows when she is born if she’ll be the cuddly type. My boys each like to cuddle in spurts between their capers and hijinks! Maybe she won’t be the “touchy” type, or maybe she’ll just be too busy trying to keep up with those big brothers. Who knows? What I do know is that right now I get to cuddle our little lass, and I’m going to enjoy every minute! Even if it is uncomfy for me to sit still for long.

A short time ago we were traveling somewhere as a family. It happened to be one of those days out here in the flat lands where the winds were whipping around in fantastic gusts that can reach 60 MPH. We were driving on the interstate, dodging tractor trailers that were swaying in the wind, and I was gripping the handle of the door with all the strength in my hand. As if that would help, right? Just after a particularly blustery moment when my adrenaline was racing, I looked back at the boys all comfy and secure in their car seats, and realized that they didn’t have a care in the world at that moment. I’m sure they were aware that the vehicle was rocking with the wind, but it didn’t phase them. It was one of those “ah-ha” moments for me actually. I was suddenly transported back to my own childhood when I’d be the kid riding in the backseat. Only we didn’t do car seats. Ha! We three kids would be back there playing some made up game to keep ourselves occupied, more often on the floor than actually in the seats, and even if there was snow and ice or rain and hail and wind, we weren’t the least concerned. In fact, one trip that I remember was when our family was on the interstate in a blizzard!! Oh yes! Mom and Dad, I later learned, were stressed to the max in this situation, but even when our car went off the road and sunk deep into the snow on the side, we kids just thought it was a joy ride! Ha ha!

Know why? Because as kids we have unwavering trust in the protection of our parents. Blizzards, no problem, Dad’s driving. Wind and hail and cows flying through the air? Nothing to worry about. Mom and Dad are here with us. That’s how I felt as a child. I didn’t KNOW that it was a potentially dangerous situation or that I should be scared or worried because from the back seat I could see Mom and Dad and knew that they had it taken care of. That’s how my lads feel too! Wow!

But after that little light bulb came an even bigger one. One that I’ve thought about several times recently. As I tool along on the interstate of this life, I should be in the backseat watching my Heavenly Father take care of it as He drives. I know it’s an old “concept” that we are to let God take the wheel of our life and trust Him that it will all be okay in the end. But too often I’ve found myself white-knuckling the dash as I “let” God drive. When really, I should be in the backseat looking out the windows care free, and worry free because I know my Father is going to drive me safely to wherever it is I’m going.

Maybe it doesn’t strike a chord in you the way it did me. God teaches us all in our own unique “ah-ha” moments. I just wanted to share this one with you all. Perhaps you can relate? If so, like me, I hope that you will think about riding in the backseat of your life while your “Daddy” drives.

I did a post similar to THIS ONE some time ago, but reading this made me smile, and I’m sure it will for you too… if you have/have had lil ones. I have to run and get my potty trainee to the bathroom, but take a minute and read the article, it’ll make your day happy. Oh and if you want to read the post I wrote, it’s right HERE.

…Me! After writing all those posts about how it’s not about being the perfect parent and it’s not up to us how our kids turn out, I’ll go ahead and take the blame this time. Don’t worry, it’s not a mommy-guilt session, and perhaps blame is the wrong term. I need to take responsibility. Yes, that’s more like it.

We’ve been having a hard time with our two dear, darling, adorable little lads recently. This week has been hard all along, but I must say that yesterday was perhaps the worst day I’ve had with the boys together yet. That’s saying a lot, huh? It was so though. Those boys must have been conspiring together in those early hours when they were awake before Mommy was ready to get them up, because it started just as soon as I opened the door to the lions den their room. Those boys, both of them, REFUSED outright to listen to my words yesterday. They would only give the pretense of obedience when I was already moving toward them with consequences. On top of which every single thing I asked or told them was met with whining, fussing, outright fit-throwing. Wow! Before the clock had reached 11am I was already at my wit’s end!! Nap time was a reprieve, but even that didn’t dampen their rebel spirits. At least in the evening I had Stuart to back me up. It was just an all around terrible, horrible, no good, VERY bad day! (hope you can appreciate the book reference, I love that story!)

Anyway, after moping, feeling sorry for myself, and whining about it a bit, I emerged from my cloud of frustration to a new realization. It was me, not them that needed some correction. Check that… they need correction too, but I need it first! See, I’ve been feeling pretty lousy with this pregnancy. Not whining, just telling. Ha ha! I don’t remember feeling quite this “bad” with the boys. Could just be bad memory, but honestly it has seemed tougher. Plus it hasn’t “eased” as I expected it to. Tomorrow is week 14 and I’m still waking up nauseous and the very thought of dinner nearly makes me gag. So that’s a bummer, because I was kind of counting on the energy boost and better feelings of the second trimester to help out a bit around here. Ha! All of that to say that I have not been a very consistent disciplinarian over the past couple of months. Shame on me! Consistency is difficult in the easiest of times, never mind when things are less than easy. But that’s no excuse. It IS my responsibility to teach these lads how to behave and why, and also be willing to follow through with consequences if need be.

So there you have it. I really do feel like I hit the nail on the head. I realize I’ve not been fulfilling my responsibility to these boys as their Mom. Today we turned over a new leaf. Fun, fun, fun!! Actually we started turning it over last night. I made the decision that Qade will no longer take his sippy cup to bed with him. Lord willing we will begin potty training in about a week, and he doesn’t need the extra fluid and besides I’ve realized it’s just a security thing with him. The last 3 nights in a row I got pulled out of bed by the lad’s frantic wails because he couldn’t find his cup! One night it was sitting right next to him in his bed… you can bet that did NOT make a happy Mama! So before bed last night I explained that he is a big boy now and big boys don’t take cups to bed. I went through the list of just about everyone he knows from Grandparents down to his camp-buddy Benjamin and how THEY don’t take cups to bed and he didn’t need one either. He thought differently, and several times I felt like caving in, but I’m glad I didn’t. Today he had no cup at nap and it wasn’t AS tragic.

That was the start. Today I purged toys. I’ve realized that sometimes the level of misbehavior is in direct proportion to the amount of “stuff” surrounding the kids. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying they shouldn’t have stuff, but I notice that when they have a lot of toys out they really get overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. So instead of playing creatively they turn destructive and try to see how big of a mess they can make with all of the stuff! Ugh! Tired of dealing with stuff spread out EVERYWHERE and the ensuing whining/fit-throwing when I insist that they clean up their own mess, I decided to get rid of much of the problem. I keep a couple rubbermade tubs with toys to swap out anyway, and today seem the perfect day to add a few things to the tubs. Several things that went INTO the tubs were Potato Head and all (I hope) of his appendages, the block train that has never yet been reassembled into a train after it left the box at Christmas, the magnetic letters and letter reader from the fridge. I was so pleased that I actually found ALL of the alphabet in one go!! I simplified a few more things and brought out a couple of toys (in one piece) that they haven’t seen for awhile. Then after nap I plan on locating most of it into their room. I’d prefer them to play with “stuff” there than spread it out all over the house. We’ll see how it goes.

On top of that Mommy has had to lay down the law and be quite firm today. That’s no fun. It’s really the stinky part of parenting when you have to be the Nazi and it seems like you never get to relax and just have fun with your kids. However, I really didn’t want that, so I took the little non-Nazi moments to squeeze in some extra tummy tickles and story reading, and just rolling on the floor together, because who knew how much fun THAT could be? I think we’re on the right track for making things ultimately better. Next week is Stuart’s spring break and I’m SOOOO thankful that he’ll be home and able to help me cope with the constant consistency with the boys.

Till next time…..

Ha! As if this is a reoccurring theme, but honestly I haven’t been dwelling on it THAT much. No I just came across this article on Zen Family Habits a blog I subscribe to, and thought I’d post it for you all just in case you hadn’t had enough of the “no one is a perfect parent” line of thought.

So while I wait for my mint tea to steep I’ll tell you MY thoughts on it. This article is different from the other in that it’s not OTHERS expectations or projections that make us think we can’t be the “perfect” parent, but rather our own self-critisism about “doing it right!” I know I fall into this “Mommy Guilt” trap often myself. Because when I’m in the midst of an issue with one of my children, it sometimes seems that no matter what I do or how I attack the problem, nothing is working!! I’ve talked to my friend, Mirm, about it many times. We find ourselves in the same boat, kid wise, frequently and it’s nice to bounce thoughts off of each other. Anyway, one time while talking we touched on the fact that we do have to stop and look back to really see that there have been successes. Life moves too fast with the little ones, and we’re always on to the next character or behavior issue before we have time to see that there really was progress in that last one we worked on. I’ve been trying to do that more. Look back and see the progress we’ve made. It really helps when I’m in the midst of trying to deal with something else that has me feeling, “What am I doing wrong???”

For what it’s worth there you have my thoughts. Hope you get a chance to read the article. I thought it was worth the time. Besides it’s from a ‘zen’ site so of course it’s pretty short, not like that last epistle I linked ya to. Toodles!