I knew her as Masona, or as she liked to call herself to our kids, “Masoney.” Mattie is Stuart’s grandma on his mom’s side. She’s an amazing Navajo lady, and I’m so happy that I knew her!! Masona passed away on Feb 17 early in the morning. She’s now skipping down the streets of heaven happy to be walking again and have sight!

Masona was blind for most of her life, but you’d never know that it bothered her a bit with her cheerful outlook and happy spirit. The only times I ever heard her even mention it was when she was holding one of our little ones. She’d say, “I wish I could see what you look like!” But not a bit of bitterness over it was ever there. One of the things that I loved about Masona was her sense of humor. She was always smiling and laughing. The loud noise that our rascals always bring along with them would just make her chuckle and laugh. She was always more than ready to hear all about the things that they had to tell her. Even if it was something as simple as, “Masona, I’m wearing a red shirt!” Ha!

The boys love to go visit Masona and are excited each Sunday when we’d get to go after church. Ella enjoys it to because she decides to explore the entire place, and I’ve had, on more than one occasion, to snatch her up from visiting someone else’s room.

Masona has had a difficult time this last year. It was hard to watch her health decline, and visits were more difficult as she had a harder time responding. One visit however, after she had been quiet for a few minutes, Stuart asked her if she was sleepy. She told him that she wasn’t sleeping she was listening to the kids noise.

We had one very sweet visit with her that will always stand out in my memory. It was right after Christmas, and we knew that some people from our church were going to go caroling at the home, so we asked Masona about it. She told us that some people had come to sing Christmas songs for them. Then we asked her what her favorite Christmas song was. She said she couldn’t remember the name, so Stuart suggested, “Silent Night?” She said, yeah, that was it, and then she started to softly sing verse after verse of Silent Night to us. It was such a precious moment. We gathered the kids up on her bed, and listened to her somewhat weak, but still sweet voice as she sang. Then we all chimed in and sang several more songs with her including the boys’ favorite, “We Wish You a Merry Christmas!”

That’s the way I want to remember our Masona. She’s singing now with a clear, strong voice, seeing the sights, that I can only imagine, with bright eyes, and rejoicing with our Savior! I wouldn’t wish her back from that, but we will miss her till we see her again one day!

Thanks friends!

Here is Kevin’s update:
UPDATE: Last night around 9:00pm Heather had a medium sized hemorrhage of a blood vessel in her tumor. It’s serious, but not life threatening. As a result we went into emerg. around 2:00am (once it became clear something was wrong). Her CT scan revealed not only the hemorrhage, but a fully regrown tumor, back to 7cm in diameter – as big as it was before her first surgery. I believe God allowed this manageable hemorrhage to bring us into the hospital earlier than we would normally have gone in so we could discover the tumor’s size again and take action sooner rather than later. So it’s now 100% clear that we are dealing with an incredibly fast growing tumor (there was uncertainty about this after her second surgery). Our goal and prayer request is that her 3rd surgery (now being scheduled) will relieve enough pressure for her to have another 3-4 week window of decent health to travel to New Brunswick where we can settle and rest with home care until the end, if it is Gods will to supply this.
Also, God arranged for us to have the believing surgeon who did her first surgery again. He is a strong christian and encouraged me to keep my thoughts captive for Christ and to remember the hope we have of Heaven. We had a good 20 min. conversation – not normal for a neurosurgeon on their schedule. He was taking care to minister to me. He said that he saw our name on his phone messages this morning and that he and his wife stopped to pray for Heather and I and the boys before he came into work. He also mentioned that our other neuro-surgeon commented on how steady we seemed through this all (credit to God’s grace), and he was able to encourage me that if I stay strong in the faith others around are noticing! Praise God for signs of goodness amid hardships! He is the perfect provider of peace! Thank you for praying, all. I will update through this 3rd surgery process as previously done, so you can all pray specific requests.

He wasn’t really a Grinch or a Scrooge though, and was and is one of the most generous givers at Christmas. Still, he doesn’t want to go out on Christmas eve to buy “Hobbs’ loot” and who could blame him for that?

This year I have discovered why the Grinch really stole Christmas. Here’s my hypothesis:

The Grinch used to love Christmas a LOT. The nostalgia of the season, the anticipation of gifts, given as much as received, the lights, the traditions, the treats. Then the Grinch got married and had kids.

Life changed and the Grinch now had a lot of responsibility. Now the Grinch has other motivation for making Christmas wonderful, the kids. The kids need to have amazing Christmas times, and get lots of special gifts, and eat and help make treats and wrap gifts, and learn to sing carols. The only problem is, the kids are wild, crazy hoodlums.

Instead of having nostalgia making experiences decorating the tree, there are nuclear meltdowns because the ornaments “won’t stay!” Hmmm… perhaps try placing the HOOK over the branch. Yeah. So the Grinch packs up most of the ornaments just to remain calm, and the tree is still festive with the “shatterproof” ornaments. However the Grinch can’t wait till all of them can be put away again since they are frequently redecorated, and rolling all around the house every day.

The treats to make together and eat while laughing yuletide magic, never get made because the Grinch has little people who hang on legs, and spill things everywhere, while whining and fussing about any and all “difficulties” that can arise while such projects are going on. And the mess to be cleaned up by the Grinch certainly chases away the Christmas spirit. The Grinches attitude gets less and less Christmas-like with every attempt to “do” Christmas.

The Grinch has had enough of stepping on legos, and putting away toys, and in general cleaning up messes that the Grinch didn’t make. All of the kids toys go into storage since they won’t exert enough responsibility to pick up after themselves. Now the Grinch dreads the opening of gifts and the ensuing chaos that will be Christmas Day.

The Grinch is starting to dread Christmas. The Grinch gives serious thought to dressing up the dog Cisco as a reindeer and sneaking into “whoville” to take all the presents, and trees, and trimming, and roast beast and hurling them off of the tall cliff. That’s what REALLY happened to the Grinch, I’m pretty sure.

But in all seriousness I’d like to yell in Charlie Brown style, “Doesn’t anybody know the real meaning of Christmas?” And I’d have to ask myself as much as anyone. I’m doing some serious Christmas-reconsideration lately. I know that right now my kids are small, so some of the Christmas “nostalgia” is just not really going to happen. When they are bigger and will be more responsible and helpful, THEN we can make treats and have fun through the making AND clean up. THEN we can go caroling and pass out goodies to the elderly. THEN we can put the fragile ornaments up on the tree.

But until THEN, I’m going make Christmas more simple. I think in upcoming years we are going to set some boundaries for Christmas giving, and really focus as a family on blessing others through giving gifts that matter and make a difference. And that’s something we can start doing NOW instead of waiting till THEN. And perhaps this particular Grinch’s heart can grow 3 sizes each Christmas.

Here is an article of one family’s Christmas traditions begun, surprisingly, by their 5 yr old. No family will do things the same way, but this is an interesting take on celebrating Jesus’ Birthday.

Yesterday I finally watched the BBC rendition of Jane Austin’s “Persuasion.” Stu gave it to me for Christmas last year, because it was one I had asked for. I think it took me so long to finally watch it because I was nervous about it “ruining” the story. LOL! While I did cringe at certain changes in the story, I mostly enjoyed the movie. It won’t become one of my “top 5” I imagine, but it’s a nice chick flick to have on while folding laundry.

My biggest disappointment with it was the actress that played Anne Elliot. Anne is the deepest character of Jane Austin’s writings. Elizabeth Bennett is a wit, but Anne Eliot is a sage. Ha ha! Unfortunately the gal who played her seemed to have but one outstanding ability which was to make her eyes bug out of her head at every other scene. So that was a little difficult, but as far as the story goes, and it’s a pretty detailed and complicated book to put on a screen, I think they did okay. I will watch it again sometime, but I’ll still get more enjoyment out of reading the book.

So if you’re looking for a wholesome show to watch with some romance and a little adventure in it, go ahead and give this one a shot.

It hit me kind of hard today when I read the update on facebook. It’s not that I didn’t expect that the outcome would be cancer. They had pretty much been told that it would be. But when you read “stage 4” and “15-18 month life expectancy” it kind of hits you in the gut. I had already figured in my mind that she would fight a battle with this cancer and win and go on to see her little ones grow up and bless so many more hearts with her sunshiny smile.

Heather is one of those bubbly people that just make you feel happy to be in a room with them. She is so full of life and energy! She has a servants heart if I ever knew one, and a burden to help people know Christ. I know that she is not going to shirk from the road that is before her feet. I’m struggling with it though.

I wish it didn’t have to happen. I do know that God’s ways are not ours, and I can’t understand. It breaks my heart that those 2 little lads are never going to know the amazing person that is their mommy! It hurts me to think that her husband Kevin is going to be a single Daddy and likely have to leave his current ministry in order to have help bringing up his boys. I don’t understand ways like this. I had a hard time tonight singing my own lads to sleep knowing in my mind that this friend of mine will not have many more opportunities to sing to her own babies.

But it’s not about me. I can rage in my head all about how it’s not fair, or it doesn’t seem right. In the end though it’s my responsibility to submit. No, I can’t understand and never will this side of heaven. Even though it breaks my heart that there can be so much WRONG with this world, I still know, beyond any doubt, that God is good. Someday when I can see Him face to face, I don’t think that all the stored up “why’s” will be the first thing on my mind. In fact, I doubt that I will ever get around to asking them. The whys aren’t going to be important because of who He is and all that He has done for me!

Even though my heart hurts and will through this life, I know that Heaven will be a little brighter when I get to meet Heather there again. We sorrow not as those who have no hope!

Please pray for the Burrill family. Especially in the next few days as treatment options are discussed and many decisions have to be made for their little family. Thanks!

Because it’s exactly what my heart cries out for whenever I’m looking to be involved in ministry. I want that spiritual emphasis, I want Jesus to be at the center, I want prayer and REAL openness and honesty. I crave that connection with other believers, and unfortunately I more often find the pink, flowers, centerpiece, and cupcakes than what it is I really seek.

Think about it…

I read an article recently written by a Christian woman about chick flicks. She had some interesting points, and the article certainly made me stop and think, but I have a pretty big issue with part of it. In the article the comparison was made between chick flicks, and “romance” books (like Jane Austin type) and pornography. Originally I was going to write a “response” and then decided it wasn’t worth it, but since then I have seen that comparison pop up elsewhere and it’s been on my mind bugging me, so I’ve decided to write it down for my own benefit. You’re welcome to read along if you choose. I’m not going to link to or cite the original post I read, because I’m not really talking about that post. I’m talking about the very unfortunate comparison going on in some people’s head now.

First of all, I’m not “defending” chick flicks and Jane Austin stories simply because I like them. And I admit that I do. There are some tried and true books that I will read and read again. And the same goes for some of my favorite chick flicks. Most people can relate to that. Perhaps it is possible for some people to use those things as a means of escapism and try to find that perfect “happily ever after” ending in their own lives, but I’d say that the vast majority of people can differentiate between fantasy and reality.

Yes, in chick flicks and in romantic stories, the guys are romantic, and the girl always gets the guy in the end and they go on to live happily ever after in our imaginations because the movies end that way for a reason. The reason is, that life goes on, and assumes a normalcy that’s not really chick flick worthy. BUT the exciting part is watching the characters overcome every obstacle in order to find the “twue wuv” of their life. That’s the exciting part!! We know that they live happily ever after because they were MFEO!!!

Now tell me, when you were falling madly in love with your man (or woman, though I doubt any guys are reading this, ha!) didn’t it feel like the most amazing romance story was being told in your own life? I know it did for me. No chick flick on the face of the earth can come close to how awesome MY love story is. And the thing is, I haven’t been disappointed that the day-to-dayness of my life doesn’t feel like a chick flick. Not at all. I really am living my happily ever after. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues and moments in our days where I’d like to take a little adventure somewhere without squalling toddlers. But I’d ever so much rather be living my life than Elizabeth Darcy’s!

It’s fun to watch love stories unfold in a chick flick or a favorite book. It’s entertaining.

So how in the world can you make the connection from something like that to something as disgusting, and perverted, and sinful as pornography? It’s a huge stretch, and I’d have to say it’s an impossible comparison. Unless you make the argument that both things are fantasy there is no comparison. One is filth, causes division in relationships, ruins families, tears at the core of what is lovely and good. The other is a form of diversion in a story. There is nothing sinful about romance, or love stories. Seriously.

Now I could see the argument made that in chick flicks there are often elements of sin, and that’s an argument that I could understand and get behind. You could point out the lack of morality in certain characters, especially in movies. We all know that Hollywood certainly doesn’t market Christian morals. Discernment in the area of entertainment is a completely different discussion. But to simply say that chick flicks are porn for women because it makes them desire a constant “romantic” in the man in their life, is incorrect.

If you believe that there is merit in the argument that chick flicks are like porn, then I would hope that you’d be consistent and cut out all the chick flicks in your life, just like should be done with porn.

To me there is absolutely no comparison between the two. We’ve got to be careful where we stand, and the statements that we make. Some things really are banners to bear, and others are things that just make Christians and the cause of Christ a laughing stock. Let’s not get too carried away on looking for that next “amazing idea” to wow our Christian brothers and sisters with, K?

Some people just don’t get it.

The biggest reason: I have babies.

When I was a teen I used to hear evangelist and camp speakers all talk about how “our generation” was probably the rapture generation, and how all the stuff that had to happen before the end times had happened, and it we all needed to gear up to go. At those times, selfish as it may be, I used to feel this, “but I don’t want to go yet” feeling. I wanted to live life and get married and have a family. I knew in my head that heaven and being with Jesus would be much sweeter than anything earth could offer, but knowing it and feeling it are totally different things. There honestly have been times in my life when I have felt it and I was so ready for that trumpet to blow. Now is not one of those times.

Ya see, for some reason it comes up in my mind and heart from time to time, because for the life of me I can’t see or figure out what happens to little ones when the rapture does take place. And being brutally honest here, my mommy’s heart would rather not “go” if I have to leave my babies behind.

Ya know what though? That’s the spirit of fear talking. I do KNOW that my Savior loves my kids more than I could ever fathom or be capable of. I also know that He is Good. And I am trusting in those things about Him. No, I don’t know what He has planned for the babies when the rapture comes, but I do know that He hasn’t not thought about it. And I’m trusting that His will in that situation will be just as perfect as His plan to save the world. It’s good to have that kind of loving Father, ya know?

All that to say that I choose not to get too deeply involved in the “terrors” of today. I have very close family members and friends who are Fox News fanatics. (Love you ALL!!) And they watch Glen Beck and the blood pressure rises and things seem bleak. Don’t get me wrong, if you are a Glen fan, that’s totally your deal. I don’t have much use for him personally as I feel that he is capitalizing on people’s fears and insecurity. I’d prefer a more “fix-it” kinda guy like Huckabee maybe. I know the system is “broke” and needs radical overhaul, but I’m pretty sure that stocking up on guns, ammo, non perishable foods and holding up in a bunker in your backyard is probably not going to solve the problems. I don’t like to feel panicked about the future. Because I have babies! And even if the rapture is generations away in God’s own timing, my kids will be the ones growing up and living in this country/world.

SO I choose to NOT have a spirit of fear. I choose to not look, not get too involved, not know many things. It’s a choice I have made to keep my own heart at peace. I’ve read the back of The Book and yes, WE WIN!! I don’t need to get bogged down in the things that are going on around me, even though I keep a sharp eye out anyway. It’s kind of an oxymoron. Know but don’t know. Ha!

Anyway, just some things that I’ve mulled over quite a bit. Thought I’d share.

II Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

A prime example and the topic of today’s “letting go” post is HELP.

About a week before Ella was born my mom and dad sailed to my rescue by coming out to help with the boys. Mom had been telling me over and over that if I needed her to come out early she would be there ASAP. However, I didn’t ask her to come out. I was quite sure that I could deal with it all, and that I should be able to deal with it all. But the truth was, I wasn’t dealing with “it” well at all! I was exhausted due to a LOT of lack of sleep, and frustrated with my two small boys for being… well, small boys basically. I was frequently biting off more than I could chew (i.e. dresser project, arg!) and thinking that I should, at 9 months pregnant, be able to get all my usual stuff done along with whatever else flitted across my brain.

Fortunately my parents recognized that I really did NEED help and they came along to give it. I will be FOREVER grateful to them for seeing that I needed help and actually helping! Love you, Mom and Dad!!!

Which brings me to the letting go part. After some introspection on the subject I realized there are several reasons why I have a hard time accepting help and an even harder time asking for help.

The first is ME. I am and always have been a very independent person. So rather than ask for help or accept help (and those are 2 different things believe me!) I’ve always just felt like I could do it myself. I remember as I grew up coming across certain people, even as a child, who had to have EVERYTHING done for them. From a 14 yr old having to have someone else turn on the shower for them to one of my high school campers who had never made her bed or swept a floor in her life! (Ha, cabin clean-up was a shock to her system, believe me!) I just never functioned that way. If I didn’t know how to do something I usually tried something till it worked or was a complete disaster. Ha ha!

Due to that personality trait of mine, I tend to feel like I should just be able to take care of stuff that comes my way. That’s not a bad thing in general, but it can be a fault when I start to think that I don’t deserve help or that I shouldn’t be helped. Because life will bring along instances where help is necessary. It can so easily become a point of pride to refuse help because I think I’m strong enough, or at least should be, to weather any and everything on my own. Duh!

The first part of my “issue” with help was my own problem. The second has to do with others. I don’t want to sound like I’m putting the blame on other people, but maybe this will be a challenge to all of us to be genuine in loving and serving each other. Part of the reason I don’t like to accept help from people is because I’ve had more experiences than I like with disingenuous offers for help. I think that this is a common failure in the body of Christ to be honest. I’ve been examining my own heart and realize that I have fallen into this habit as well, and really want to change. Too often we are so quick to say that we will help and offer up all kinds of things that we could do with really no intention of following through. I’ve run into those people, and it’s made me shy away from even accepting those “offers” of help because deep down I don’t believe that there will be a follow through. I know for sure that I don’t want to be that person! I want to be more aware of what I’m saying to others, especially when it comes to offering to help them. If it’s something I know I can’t really do, then I just need to keep my mouth shut rather than try to make myself seem more caring and concerned by making an offer of help, which is really worse than not helping at all.

So what’s the change for me in all of this. Well, first off, I’m going to start ACCEPTING offers of help more frequently. So if you’re one of those “offerers, but non-follow-through-ers” then don’t offer to me because I will take you up on the spot and you might find yourself actually having to help. I remember one time having dinner with a family and then offering (genuinely) to do the dishes after. The lady of the house told me that she was “very particular” about how the dishwasher was loaded so she’d rather do it herself. Hmmm… I remember that as striking me so odd that someone wouldn’t jump at the chance to NOT do the dishes for once. That seniario has come back to me time and again though because I find myself doing the same thing, in different ways, you’re always welcome to load my dishwasher, when I don’t accept help from people too.

Next, I’m working on being more willing to ASK for help when I really do need it. We’re not terribly close to family out here, and I miss having that “support” that is there even if you’re not using it all the time. So it has led me to start looking for help in other places. For example, I have some doctor’s appointments coming up and it’s EXTREMELY hard to haul 3 kids in and out of those. While I was formulating a plan for exactly how I was going to do just that, I realized how foolish it was, and instead have asked someone from our church if they would HELP me by watching the kids. Ack!! Yes, it was difficult for me. I hate to feel like I’m imposing on people in ANY way, but this gal was so sweet and really eager to be a blessing. *sigh*

Third… yes, mind boggling that there can be more. I need to be more genuine with my own offers of help. I know that even though there are times I really DO want to help in various ways because of our family dynamic right now, I simply can’t. Keeping that in mind, I need to make sure that I do not make empty offers of help. Plus I can get creative and find ways that I can help others and be a blessing without having to “offer” or wait for them to ask for help. Those are some of my goals anyway.

So it’s a learning process for me, but hopefully I’m making progress. Just some thoughts that were floating around in my head that it helps for me to write down and get out there!

Have a great Tuesday!! Our started out rough, but with the HELP of some ibuprofen and sudafed I think it’s improving!