RazNoggle

Ha! As if this is a reoccurring theme, but honestly I haven’t been dwelling on it THAT much. No I just came across this article on Zen Family Habits a blog I subscribe to, and thought I’d post it for you all just in case you hadn’t had enough of the “no one is a perfect parent” line of thought.

So while I wait for my mint tea to steep I’ll tell you MY thoughts on it. This article is different from the other in that it’s not OTHERS expectations or projections that make us think we can’t be the “perfect” parent, but rather our own self-critisism about “doing it right!” I know I fall into this “Mommy Guilt” trap often myself. Because when I’m in the midst of an issue with one of my children, it sometimes seems that no matter what I do or how I attack the problem, nothing is working!! I’ve talked to my friend, Mirm, about it many times. We find ourselves in the same boat, kid wise, frequently and it’s nice to bounce thoughts off of each other. Anyway, one time while talking we touched on the fact that we do have to stop and look back to really see that there have been successes. Life moves too fast with the little ones, and we’re always on to the next character or behavior issue before we have time to see that there really was progress in that last one we worked on. I’ve been trying to do that more. Look back and see the progress we’ve made. It really helps when I’m in the midst of trying to deal with something else that has me feeling, “What am I doing wrong???”

For what it’s worth there you have my thoughts. Hope you get a chance to read the article. I thought it was worth the time. Besides it’s from a ‘zen’ site so of course it’s pretty short, not like that last epistle I linked ya to. Toodles!

My hubbaroo sent me a link to this article today that I found encouraging to read. It’s by the same author who wrote a book I LOVE called “Parenting is Your Highest Calling. and 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt.” I know I’ve mentioned it on here before, but it is a great book, and a re-reader for sure! I just think that we Christian parents, moms in particular, are prone to think that it’s UP TO US to make sure our kids “turn out” good and godly. Likely the reason why most of us think this way is because of all the books out there written by well meaning (I’m sure) Christian authors who basically set down a system of how everyone else in the world is to raise their children. If your kids don’t “turn out” it must be because you didn’t follow the system or you yourself just aren’t godly enough. How defeating!!

I remember thinking as a teen that I didn’t want to “risk” having kids because too many of them simply rebel and turn their backs on all of the “right things” their parents have been trying to train them in. In reading this book and the article, which is kind of an abbreviated version of the book, I myself, find encouragement. It’s NOT “up to me” to be the perfect parent, and it’s certainly not “up to me” to raise the perfect kids. Yes, we parents have responsibilities, BIG ONES, when it comes to our children, but NO, we cannot guarantee that our children are going to CHOOSE to be godly and live holy lives. You can follow every system that’s been published to a T and think that because you have it’s a shoe-in for your kids to “succeed.” I’ve personally watched people try these very “experiments” on their children only to have the kids grow up and turn their backs on everything they had ever been taught. What do the parents feel like then? Failures!

Sure, I often feel like I fail at parenting, but I’m learning that it’s not going to be my failures that make or break my kids. I believe that there really are “bad” parents out there. I see the proof of it all around me in this place where I live. But for those of us who are Believers and are striving to live godly lives and show, and teach that to our children, we do not need to carry around this weight of guilt about not being good enough to raise good kids. We’ve got to teach them to discern good and bad, rather than just give them a list of do’s and don’t’s. There are examples all around us of people reaping the rewards of sowing to the flesh. We should point that out to our children and let them see those things instead of trying to keep them hidden away in a little bubble so they don’t see evil. We should teach our children about responsibility and trust and let them learn that when they break trust that privileges are contracted. They will learn that there are indeed hard consequences for bad choices, but then when it comes down to it, God gave them their very own “free will” as well and THEY will have to chose to live a life with a relationship in Christ or not. We can’t make them do it. We can’t force them into it by restricting their world to a narrow system that someone, somewhere felt was “God’s Way.” We must pray for them to make those choices and guide them to places where they can make right choices. Still it’s never up to us to make our kids godly. And we should never carry around the guilt of failure because our kids haven’t “lived up” to our ideals of them.

Just spilling out some of my own personal thoughts again. Ha ha… What do you guys think, really? I’d like to know. Oh, and read the article, or if you want more, get the book because it’s really eye opening. At least it was for me. Ta ta!

I enjoyed reading this post today! It was neat to think about “becoming a mother” through the “everydayness” of mommyhood. I liked it, you should read it too. However, I’d like to add a few more to her list.

When your littlest love blows and wipes his snotty nose all over your shirt, and your thankful that at least it wasn’t your face this time!

When you rush in at 2:30am to the screams of your toddler only to find that he can’t really figure out “what” is wrong and finally settles on “Sing me Sunshine.” Arg!!! I’d rather be sleeping, but instead I sing, as softly as possible so as not to wake the other night terror.

When someone gets a “hurt” and comes right over for a Mommy kiss because they KNOW that is the best medicine!

Gently explaining to your 2 yr old that his “Lightning McQueen pillow” had to be washed and he’ll just have to have a boring green one for a little while.

When after your 2 lads have been playing SO nicely in their room, they come out with “wotion” on their faces. Only the lotion is really Balmex!

Smiling to myself because one child went from whining to laughing hysterically in less than a second because the other was chasing him. Then deciding that it was such a fun game they needed to continue running for the next 10 min. Hey, I’m a fan of laps, they promote good sleep!

When a little boy just wants to “sit with you” which translates to snuggling up in your lap while you get to hold him! I love it when that happens!

Tummy tickles, wrestling on the floor, watching Daddy play “horse,” building with mega blocks, pretending to be kitty.

I suppose there are a million things I could write here, but they all add up to one very thankful heart for getting to be a Mommy. Of all the titles I could possibly have that’s got to sound the best!

I read this article today and it got me thinking. Again. Because these thoughts have passed through my soggy head before. I’ve been “in ministry” my whole life basically and have watched this “expectation” thing happen over and over again. I’ve seen it in churches, christian schools, college, and camp. Oh yes. There’s often this expectation that if the hubby is “in ministry” that the wife is a bonus. I’ve seen guys who were looking for gals to marry who would “enhance” their ministry with their own talents like piano playing, or amazing voice, or the right connections because of parents. That would make me sick actually. Yeah, grrrrrr! But because of those very kids of exceptions girls I know would begin to feel inferior to their husband’s calling if they did not have some of those very “ministry enhancing talents.” When really, if God wants you to be “in ministry” He’ll give you what you need for that. There isn’t a list somewhere in the heavens that says, “Minister’s wife MUST play piano, yadda, yadda, yadda.” No! And in fact why should we have the expectation that if the man is somehow involved in ministry that it’s “okay” to lay a bunch of ministry burdens on the wife as well?

I mean, I love being involved in the camp ministry with Stuart. I do wish that I could be more involved WITH HIM in it. However right now I have 2 other little men in my life that take up, oh I’d say 99% of my time. I realized after our first summer with camp that if I was going to be involved with camp as much as I WANTED to be, let alone what others may expect me to be, then I will be neglecting my children. That is simply unacceptable. Since then I have, with Stuart’s help, worked on finding a balance so that I CAN find that fulfilling involvement with camp without heaping on the guilt of leaving my kids to someone else’s care extensively. It’s a constant back and forth, but I think we are doing okay.

Still I do personally struggle with those feelings of “not enough” when there are other people who have exorbitant expectations for me, or anyone married to a “minister.” The conclusion that we’ve come to, Stuart was solid on this before I even was, is that it’s not right. Like the lady in the article points out, Doctor’s wives aren’t expected to scrub up next to their husbands, why should the wives of people who’s “job” is ministry be expected to do the same??? Makes no sense, yet it’s prevalent thinking…. at least in circles where I roam.
So what do you think?? I’d love to get some feedback on these thoughts.

Yesterday I was trimming Myles’ very long nails when BAM suddenly one nail popped right up and into my eye!! Yeeeeooooowwwwch! I had to go look in a mirror to extract it, and man did that hurt! I don’t’ remember reading about that in the baby books.

They never tell you that your child will develop a “thing” for any product in a tube since you used lotions and baby rash cream to entertain him during diaper changes. They never tell you he will cary tubes around for hours chewing on them. Yuck!

They never tell you that your little one is going to find it oh-so-hilarious to put his slobbery jaws over your NOSE and completely slime your face in the process. They also don’t say that since it IS so funny, this child will do it again and again any time you happen to be lying on the floor and he has wrestled you down. Ha ha ha! I have no idea why Myles does this, but it grosses me out and cracks me up at the same time. At least he doesn’t bite!

They never tell you that you will actually encourage your children to jump on the furniture by moving the coffee table closer to the couch so that your 15 month old can “copy” his big brother. Or that you’ll cheer them on from the side lines thinking what wonderfully coordinated kids you have.

They never tell you that your sweet babies will have go-go-gadget arms and be able to reach just about everything you think you have put out of reach. Or that you’ll be digging your earrings out of your toddler’s mouth because he “managed” to reach that box you set on the steps “out of reach” ha!

There’s lots of things the baby books won’t tell you. If I had enough energy, I’d write them down and create a book myself so that other mommies won’t say, “they never told me!” But even if we had been told about EVERYTHING, especially the gross stuff, we’d still think it was well worth it to hear that little voice say, “I wuv YOU more!”

Lately I’ve been trying to do this more. I wan’t to take in all the sweet things my kids are doing, saying, experiencing. Take in the fun family moments, and moments with my hubby. Take in the beauty that surrounds me in this place we live. Take it all in.
Life has a way of getting me too busy. Too busy to enjoy the journey. I’ve been ‘prone’ that way my whole life. I’ve always been one to look to the destination as the goal, rather than the process. It’s something that I’m aware of and work to overcome. Still there are days where I wish that the boys wouldn’t be hanging on my legs so I could just get SOMETHING done! And zap, my patience goes out the window! I know that for me, I need to slow down, enjoy the inbetween moments, because that’s where life really happens. I do all these things to “remember” like take a zillions pictures, scrapbook, journal, blog make all those memories imortal. But am I spending more time on “saving” the memories than I am on making the memories?? Those things are important and have their place, but their place is NOT primary. My hubby, my kids, my family and what is happening NOW is the important thing.
Yes, I need to get the dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, cleaning, folding, changing, cooking, memory keeping all done. But it’s in those commas that life is really happening, and I MUST make sure I don’t miss it by moving on to the next thing without even thinking.
I read this article that kinda said what I’d already been thinking, but it’s a good read if you’re interested.
Now go hug someone!

P.S. I wrote this post BEFORE I read that whole article, so I wasn’t plagiarizing… just so ya know.

Okay, so I’ve been getting my details all wacky with what lil Stellan is going to be doing. I thought his procedure was Friday, but turns out he is being admitted to the childrens’ hospital TOMORROW, and then the actual ablation will be done on Tuesday. SO please keep the family and lil baby boy in prayer this week. It seems like quite the ordeal for them, but they are handling it with grace.
Here is the “real details” on the whole thing from McMamma if you care to read it.

Hope you all have been having a fabulous weekend!! I certainly have, and tomorrow we get our new dishwasher too!!! Wooo-Hoooo… I’ve been “ever so patiently” waiting for that!!!
Ta ta!

Seems I keep running across sad circumstances like THIS, but I’m trying to apply them as personal growth lessons. I’m certainly not looking for sad stories, especially ones about children. I’m a mommy, I don’t like to think about sick babies, or 5 yr olds with cancer, but real people are really going through these things. It reminds me to be thankful for what I have, not take it for granted, and remember that there are people out there who need prayer and to spread encouragement where I’m able. That’s why I’m going to send this little boy and early Christmas card. I hope that you will too! It’s something small, and easy that could potentially mean a lot!

Myles has the coolest Bible story book ever that some friends gave him. He isn’t terribly interested in the stories yet, they are a bit long, but I love the illustration and story telling method in it!! So tonight as I was looking for something to read to Qade, I came across the story of Leah. I suppose since I was named after Rachel that I always kind of took her perspective in the story. But the first time I read this story, put this way, my heart nearly broke for Leah! In the Biblical account they ALL made mistakes, but I’ve always tended to think kind of meanly of Leah. Looking at it from her perspective though has put some new life into the old story for me. So… that being said, I’m going to type it out here for YOU to read and think about. Tell me what your perception has always been of “the ugly sister”

The Girl No One Wanted

There were once two sisters. The youngest sister was very beautiful and her name was Rachel. But the oldest sister wasn’t beautiful at all (some thought her quite ugly). and her name was Leah.
Rachel was the kind of girl who always gets invited to parties and chosen for the team. Everyone loved her. And poor Leah? No one hardly even noticed her.
One day, their cousin Jacob came to stay. He was one of Isaac’s sons and he was on the run. (Jacob had stolen and cheated and made some enemies- including his brother- and now he was hiding.)
The funny thing is, Jacob- of all people- was the one God gave the special promise to: “I will rescue the world through your family.” (But then God chooses people we least expect, as we’ll see.)
Jacob stayed a long time working for his Uncle Laban. One day Laban said, “Jacob, I’ve decided to pay you for your work What do you want?” A sudden thought struck him. “How about one of my daughters?”
Jacob looked at Rachel and he looked at Leah. Who would he choose? Of course, he chose Rachel.
“I’ll work seven years for free!” Jacob said. “If I can marry Rachel.”
So Jacob worked seven years and at last his wedding day arrived.
But that night, Laban played a nasty trick on Jacob. Instead of sending Rachel to marry Jacob, he sent Leah. (Now, in those days, they didn’t have electricity, so it was dark in their tent and, besides, women wore veils and you couldn’t see their faces properly. So Jacob suspected nothing.)
The next morning, Jacob woke up- and screamed. His new wife was lying beside him but it wasn’t Rachel- it was Leah. Jacob jumped out of bed. “Laban!” he cried. “You scoundrel!”
But Laban said “Work for me another seven years and then you can marry Rachel.”
So Jacob worked for Laban another seven years and, at last, Rachel became his wife. Now Jacob had two wives, but of his two wives, Jacob loved Rachel the best.
“No one loves me,” Leah said, “I’m too ugly.”
But God didn’t think she was ugly. And when he saw that Leah was not loved and that no one wanted her, God chose her- to love her specially, to give her a very important job. One day, God was going to rescue the whole world- through Leah’s family.
Now when Leah knew that God loved her, in her heart, suddenly it didn’t matte anymore whether her husband loved her the best, or if she was the prettiest. Someone had chosen her, someone did lover- with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.
So when Leah had a baby boy she called him Judah, which means, “This time I will praise the Lord!” And that’s just what she did.
And you’ll never guess what job God gave Leah.
You see, when God looked at Leah, he saw a princess. And sure enough, that’s exactly what she became. One of Leah’s children’s children’s children would be a prince- the Prince of Heaven -God’s Son.
This Prince would love God’s people. They wouldn’t need to be beautiful for him to love them. He would love them with all of his heart. And they would be beautiful because he loved them.
Like Leah.

I know it takes a creative license, but it’s a good story, and makes ya think. At least it did me, but simple stories are the best I’ve found.