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Tired and Worn

I’m feeling this way. I think we’ve just been going through life at a break neck speed for too long and it’s catching up to me. I have a zillion and one “to-do’s” and never enough time to get them all done. Plus the daily “must-do’s” and those aren’t always a lot of fun. I feel like I can’t find time in all this mess for my “want-to-do’s” and it’s getting old. Partly it’s starting school again and getting used to that routine again. One little scholar in particular is not enthusiastic and it’s draining for the mom/teacher. Another factor is that our Claire-bear has been EXTREMELY clingy. For me only, of course. That’ll wear out any mom. Because if she wasn’t on me or touching me, she was screaming about it. There has been some improvement in this the past few days so that’s been a relief. I’m attempting to make some sense out of our house, the closets and cabinets and pantry are all full and overflowing with stuff that needs to be organized and purged. But projects like that tend to take forever, and when you’ve got little feet and hands happy to get into anything “new” that can be messed with it’s hard. And yes, I’m just whining. Whining because right now everything feels like a never ending project, and I’m tired, and I don’t feel like doing it every day all the time. Let the weeds take over the place, leave the holes in the walls, forget about growing food and raising animals, and training people and pets. Just let it all go wild, because I’m going to find a cave somewhere to hide away in! Just kidding… I’m actually going to go on vacation soon, and I think that’ll be the best thing for my mentality. Thanks for listening to the grumble.... read more

New Motto

Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without. This is going to be my motto for the year. Maybe even for life! 🙂 Stuart and I have had many discussions about how there’s just too much “stuff” in life. We are blessed with a lot of stuff! We are also blessed with people in our life who love us and love our kids and enjoy showering us with stuff. Some of the stuff is useful stuff, some of it is fun stuff, some of our stuff is just stuff stuff, and some is actually problem stuff! 🙂 You know problem stuff right? It’s stuff that was maybe useful or fun at some point, but no longer is for various reasons, yet it won’t just leave! We try to stay on top of purging things that have become problem stuff. Yard sale it, donate it, recycle if possible or just plain throw it away. Still, with 2 adults who love gadgets and 3 young children who also love gadgets and toys and games and puzzles and coloring and painting etc. ad infinitum, and 2 babies with all the gear and toys and paraphernalia that goes along with that age, it’s really easy to get buried. It’s nice to have things. It’s not so nice when things have you. And I’ve found that when we surround ourselves with all this stuff, the mentality that we get into is to fix every problem with more stuff. Something breaks? Oh, just jump on Amazon and grab another… in fact let’s get a BETTER one while we’re at it. 😉 This is where the new motto comes in. I feel that for our family we need to be much more aware of what we do have, and use it up the way it’s intended. We still need to purge out quite a bit of the things that don’t really add value to our lives, but create mental stress by having them around. Storage is an issue, finding a place for everything is a problem when you’ve got more “things” than places. So I guess more than anything the motto is just a changed mindset. I want us to make do with what we have and be happy with it rather than needing to put money into something else. Sometimes things have to be replaced, obviously, but if you have a more frugal mindset that you’re going to make it work... read more

Finding Delight

The word delight is defined as a verb, to please someone greatly or a noun to take great pleasure in. Doesn’t seem like it would be something that would take work, right? I mean, how often to you go to Disney and think about how much work it will be to have fun? Right? 🙂 Well, I’m here to tell you that delight is something I have to seriously work at. At least in a particular context. And that context is delighting in my children. Plenty of verses in Proverbs talk about how children bring delight to parents. As I have read those verses countless times it never occurred to me till recently that I needed to have a more active role in the delight part. Till then I’d been placing all of the responsibility of creating delight on the part of the children. I’m not trying to make something “new” out of the Bible or say that this is the way it has to be for every home, but for me personally some things need to change. See, mommyhood is difficult. VERY difficult! Maybe it comes easier for some people and maybe some people just try to project the “easy” attitude. I’m pretty sure that for just about every parent everywhere though it is sometimes if not always, difficult. Unless of course a parent doesn’t care at all about the character and behavior of their kids, then I suppose it might be easier… but I don’t know any parents like that, thankfully! So as I slog through the difficult days with my kids too often I am not finding any delight in it at all. I don’t delight in them, I don’t delight in what they are doing, and I don’t delight in being a mom. It’s true. Too many days my greatest accomplishments have been to make sure everyone has had food, and that bottoms have been cleaned and I just go into survival mode till I can finally deposit them all into bed and be “free” of them for a few hours. It sounds completely horrible to actually say it, but I know I’m not the only one who has days like that. It’s okay to be honest. Yes, I love my kids more than life, but that doesn’t mean they don’t take a toll. However, I notice that if I take the time to stop being a harried mom and actually find things to delight... read more

2014 Resolved

Despite being “practically perfect in every way” 😉 I have thought of some resolutions for 2014. Sort of… I have vague fragments that haven’t completely solidified as thoughts yet, but writing this post will help with that. I was never very good at communicating notions rather than thoughts. Anyway. My biggest resolution for 2014, and one that pretty much over arches the other resolutions, is to be in the moment. This is a very difficult thing for me to do since it’s always been my “bent” to be goal driven and just plow through the moments till I get to the goal. The problem is, kidos live in the moments, they really know how to do it. On a recent kidless car ride when I had some time for introspection, I realized just how many moments I was waisting, missing or plain ruining because I’m not living there with my kids. By the end of the drive my spirit was so bowed down with the weight of my own inadequacy. It’s not a pleasant feeling, but it’s a good place to be because then God can raise you back up with His strength and grace. So with His help I think that 2014 will be a better year for me where this struggle is concerned. Along with that we are changing some things with our parenting. Some changes are pretty dramatic and others are less so. There will be more on those to come, but this post is about moi. 😉 So in keeping the “viva le moment” theme, I have deleted Facebook from my phone. It’s just far too convenient for it to be right there at my finger tips any time of the day when I’d like to escape the moments. I quit facebook once before and it was a good time of refocus for me. Social media has it’s perks, but it’s biggest downside in my opinion is how it can totally take over your life! The reason I came back to FB was because I found that there were people from a distance who really loved me and were interested in my life and FB was the only way they were able to keep up with us at all. So I came back for them. Kinda sounds selfish that I’d get on for all the people wanting to keep up with ME, but it was so. And of course there are people that I want... read more

I miss my quilt

There was this incredibly ugly quilt that I just loved! It’s one of those old fashioned kind that are made out of a menagerie of fabrics with no rhyme or reason to the pattern, and one piece of ugly red fabric with scary looking clowns with balloons for the back. 🙂 It had little tufts of yarn that kept it all together and was about the size of a twin bed. Oh and weighs about a million pounds. Why, you ask would I love a quilt like that? Well, I’ll tell you, it was WARM! Oh yes! I would put it on my bed, under the actual comforter so it’s not like the ugly quilt was in view, when the nights start getting cold. We have a king bed and it worked out perfectly because Stuart doesn’t like extra blankets on the bed even when it’s zero degrees out. I on the other hand LOVE to burrow down under those heavy types of quilts. I had one similar on my bed as a kid in Colorado and I have fond memories of curling up tight as can be waiting for the bed to warm up under those heavy quilts. Ahhhhh…. Anyway, I can find neither ugly patch or tuft of yarn from that particular quilt. I think that it was one of Stu’s grandma’s quilts. It’s very old-fashioned, and you know it was made for function not style. It was in my room when I left one dark and early morning in June. But when I got back 7 weeks later, with two little people in tow, it was no where to be found! It seems to have vanished into thin air too because I’ve looked in all the spots I’d think that a quilt like that could possibly hide and nothin. 🙁 I really miss it…. I have a wool Pendleton blanket on “my side” of the bed right now, but it just really doesn’t cut it. *sigh* So if you run across a good, heavy, old fashioned blanket looking for a home. I hope you’ll give it one. There really is nothing warmer on a cold cold... read more

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