RazNoggle

Ha! Not!! This evening my amazing techno-hub was showing me all about google analytics. (Bravo for me, I spelled that word correctly the FIRST time!) It keeps track of all the ‘traffic’ to my blog. Interesting! I did discover that someone from Australia has read my blog, or at least been there, in the past year. Africa too! Also on the map are much of the USA including Alaska!! Hi up there!! I want to come visit you some day, but only when the sun is shining! And there were also some other countries listed, but I clicked off the page too soon to see where. Anyway, it made me feel all nice and fuzzy to think of my adoring “fans” ha! Cracks me up. It is nice to think that maybe someone somewhere is reading some of the blather that I fling out into cyberspace sometimes. To be honest I really write more for ME. I know I’m selfish, but I’m trying to learn to be more of a servant. Being stuck way out in the middle of nowhere, seriously we are, I find myself with a NEED for some kind of connection to the rest of the human race, and blogging, in a way, meets that. So there you have it, it’s not really for YOU, it’s for ME. But I’m so very glad that you come along for the ride! I do blog to keep my friends and family updated on the most recent cute thing my kids are doing, or my own personal goals… which don’t go back and read that new years post, I haven’t been doing so well. IT’S THE WEATHER, I TELL YOU!! But I also do write down some thoughts, feelings, and things that I’m learning along the way as well. Hope that someone might be reading it who can relate, and will feel encouraged from it too.

So there you have it… a post all about MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE! Enjoy!

That’s what we have here. I’m so sick of the inside walls of this house!! It’s “sprinkling” right now, which if it continues is bound to turn to snow… or mud. Either is unwelcome at this point. When my family moved to AZ when I was 13 we were coming from COLD Colorado and were SO amazed that we could go outside with NO COAT in February!! So what’s up with global warming and suddenly AZ is the arctic? I think I’m just stir crazy right now. I NEED adult interaction!! Playing with my lads is great fun, but being cooped up is not. I start to feel like a zombie just cleaning, changing, dressing, cleaning, dishes, laundry, changing, cooking, over and over and over again. Yesterdays little excursion into the snow was refreshing for me and the lads, but they don’t have snow pants so we can’t stay out too long. And anyway, I don’t like to be cold. I want some “horrible, wholesome sunshine” and the warmth that goes with it. Is that too much to ask?? I mean it IS almost February after all and we DO live in Arizona after all. Maybe…..
P.S. That apple that Myles was eating in the last post, the only thing we ever recovered was the stem. Fiber anyone?

I think this may be the very first time I’ve ever payed attention to the fact that we’re entering a “new” decade. Of course the last one was totally overwhelmed by being a “new millennium” as well, and then the one before that I was still too young to care, I guess. It makes me feel kind of old to think of my life in decades, but as I was thinking over the last one there are some pretty amazing highlights! Just thought I’d share those with you!
2000
-GRADUATED from college, yay!!!!
-Taught my first teaching job, way fun in a little Christian school.
-Worked at The Wilds of the Rockies my first summer!
2001-2004
-Taught at PCA (not a “highlight” in my way of thinking, but a big learning experience)
-Continued to work summers at TWR.
-Met Stuart in 2001
-Stu and I worked the “buddy system” in 2004.
2005
-MARRIED!!! To the most amazing man ever in the history of mankind!
2007
-Met my baby Bubba, and discovered that being a Mommy is the best “job” in creation!
-Moved back to AZ, who would have thought?
-Started working with Camp on Wheels.
-Traveled to Canada for the first time!
2008
-Brought home my “littlest love” and have thoroughly enjoyed being a mommy of 2 rambunctious boys!!
2009
-Nothing “huge” happened this year, but more growing, learning, leaning. I believe that I’m a more balanced person than I was 10 years ago for sure. Maybe I’m a little more cynical about certain things, but I also have a greater value for having fun. I have more appreciation for family time both within our little fam and our extended family.
-I’m learning to prioritize responsibility with things that I like to do.
-Investing time in interests that make me a better person and are also FUN.

So there you have it. 10 years condensed. Makes it seem like a much smaller chunk of time. I’m excited about this year! It’ll be interesting to see where the next turn of the decade will have us… don’t want to think about that too much… I’ll be 40!! Yikes!! So enjoy the early days of our new decade and thank God for the last 10 years He has given you.

2010, Bring it on! This year I have some pretty lofty goals I will say, but I have a whole 12 months, 52 weeks, and 365 days to get it all done. Sounds pretty doable if I can stay focused! Of course I really should delete about 2 or 3 of those months due to camp… Hmmmm…. but it’s still doable, very much so, and I am determined to do it!
PERSONAL GOALS:
I’ve noticed that a lot of my personal goals for this year have to do with discipline. Isn’t it odd that as children we are disciplined by our parents and authorities, and then we become adults and have to discipline ourselves? I think it was easier being on the kid end personally.
INSANITY!!! This is part of my personal “get into shape” goals. Of course I seriously believe there is a possibility that it’ll kill me in the process, but I suppose finally getting in shape will be worth the risk. This is THE most intense workout regimen I have EVER attempted, so here’s hoping that I will have the discipline to stick to this goal and see amazing results in 60 days!
Consistant Bible reading is one of my personal goals for this year. I hate to have to confess it, but I do struggle with consistency in this area. I have a “One Year Bible” and hope to use that to jump start my Bible reading/study. I know that it’s just a lack of discipline on my part. I can’t lay the blame on my kids or being busy, it’s a matter of making it a priority.
Improved photography. This year I will be participating in a flickr project 365 group. Basically what that means is I will take at least one photo a day for a year, edit and upload it to the group site. I can get constructive feedback and comments on my photos from others in the group. Merely cultivating the discipline to make myself take, AND edit a photo a day will improve my photography skills. I don’t technically HAVE to edit the photos, and maybe occasionally I won’t, but I want to make that a big part of this challenge for me. I have some awesome software that can do some pretty spiffy things, but honestly I don’t’ know how to use it yet… so, practice makes perfect. I’m pretty excited about this project and you can follow my progression on my photo blog which is project365.raznoggle.com. I’ll post a link in the side bar too, so you can see what’s going on in photo-land along the way.
Fiddle. Speaking of practice, another of my goals is to improve on the fiddle. Stuart bought me the second “American Fiddle Method” book for Christmas. I have played through the first one already, but haven’t really “practiced” all the skills. SO I need to work back through the first book before I tackle the second, but I’m excited about doing that. Perhaps someday in the future I can entertain the campers with my fiddlin’ tunes.
FAMILY GOALS:
So what will 2010 look like in our family??? Can’t answer that question exactly, but I have some ideas of what I’d like. Qade will be turning 3 this spring, and I have some goals for him this year. One is that he will get potty trained. You remember we have been on a sabbatical from that process, and he has shown NO interest in going in the potty at all. He doesn’t ask about it, talk about it, or even seem to remember it. Ha! Poor lad, all the trauma he has to endure. BUT we will be revisiting that life lesson in March. He’ll be nearly 3 then, and ready or not, he’s got to learn someday! In my perfect little world, which exists only in my head, he will be potty trained (at least day time dry) by the time we have to go to camp in May….. time will tell. Another thing that Qade and I are going to work on this year is his alphabet. He already does recognize some of the letters, but I’d like for him to have the whole thing down this year. Then of course, we have the ongoing character building day by day with our guinea-pig toddler. Stinks to be first, right? But I would like for Qade to learn to consistently use his words, rather than screams to communicate and to speak respectfully to adults. Big order for a 2/3 yr old? Nah, I’m confident that he can learn these lessons well because he is a very sweet boy under that “terrible two’s” exterior.
For my littlest lad, Myles, I also have some goals. He IS young, but I’ve been reminded that he understands a LOT more than I give him credit for. The other day I asked him to get his cup and bring it to me, not actually expecting him to do it, but he surprised me by following those instructions! SO now that I know he is able, he’s going to be getting more instructions. He will be responsible to help clean up, especially since he is so fond of making HUGE messes. Also, one BIG lesson that he needs to conquer this year is that when Mommy says “no-no” it doesn’t mean “keep doing it until Mom actually moves toward you, then run like the wind the other way.” Ha! I’m also planning to introduce Myles to the potty this year. We won’t begin “officially” training, but once big bro gets it down then I’m going to “allow” Myles to sit on the pot from time to time as well, so it’s not a brand new concept when it’s time to train him.
PROJECT GOALS:
Okay, I hate to admit this, but I do NOT have a scrapbook for Myles yet, and the one I have for Qade hasn’t moved beyond his first month. Oh and our wedding album is STILL not done. *sigh* So, this year is project finishing year. Or more like project catch up year. I’m not sure if you can EVER be done with a scrapbook! This too will take a lot of discipline. It shouldn’t be that hard, but I’ve made such a mental block out if it that it’s difficult to even get started. I have some “blue prints” of how I’m going to manage floating around in my head so hopefully I can get some of those worked out. Now that my “craft space” is cleaned up and organized, I think it will be much easier to get in there and work through some of those things. I also have a couple unfinished crochet projects that I can work on as well. That back room is ch-ch-chilly during the winter months, but I can bring the crochet out to the warm part of the house.

Anyway, those are some of my new-year’s goals. I’m sure I’m missing something, or maybe several somethings, but that gives me a pretty good base, don’t ya think? If you have made it through this post KUDOS to you!! It’s HUGE, and all about me, but lest you think I’m totally narcissistic I’m putting all of this out here as an accountability of sorts. It’s great for me to have ideas in my head, but if I don’t tell people about them, I’m much less likely to work on disciplining myself. So thanks, friends, and here’s to a great 2010!!!

Yep, that’s what I’m going to talk about. How I’m “feeling.” If you don’t want to read about a bunch of “feelings” then you are perfectly welcome to not. However today I “feel” the need for a rant. Because today I “feel” like a bad wife, bad housekeeper, and bad Mommy. Oh yes, it’s been an eventful day…
Ya see it all started with me being the bad wife. I did NOT get out of bed in time to make my hubby his lunch for work. He doesn’t expect me to make his lunch every day, and is more than capable of making it himself. But I like to make it because that’s what a “good wife” does and it’s something special that I can do for him to make his morning a little smoother. Nope, not today. This bad wife stayed in bed and wasn’t even up when he had to leave. He came in and kissed his still sleeping, “bad wife” and ran off to bring home the bacon. *sigh*

After being such a bad wife, I really lacked motivation to get going this morning. See, it builds on itself, this feeling bad thing. If I had gotten up when my cheerful “brook” alarm went off, things would be much different, but alas I started down the slippery slope and it just keeps getting better. Because of my lack of motivation I became a “bad housekeeper” too. My mother-in-law will be here any time this afternoon. The bed in the spare room is not made, the dishes are still piled up on the counter, and there are about a bazillion legos strewn all over the living room complements of my two boys. Today, “spreading” was more fun the building. Oh, and the potty training bathroom… well, that’s a gross story you don’t even want to know, but I’ll tell it anyway. The lads have been “working through” something recently, and Qade has “not made it” to the potty oh, about 3 times… Those unders have ended up in the trash, I know, another way I’m a “bad housekeeper.” It is not worth ANY amount of money to me to try to scrub those things out, so unfrugal as it may be, I’d rather buy him new unders than even think about it! Hey, I need new underwear too, but I’ll wear my ratty ones awhile longer, and get him some more if that’s what it takes! So that’s me… feeling like a “bad housekeeper.”

And of course, we have the “bad mommy” to tack on to the pile, as if it wasn’t enough. Qade was having super meltdowns today before, during, and after lunch. Do you think I responded to him with compassion and gentleness? Ha! No, of course not, my patience didn’t even show up today, let alone give me time to loose it. So Qade bawled his way through the mid-morning, and I mostly did nothing for his little crisis-es. However my bad feelings about being a bad mommy did indeed get to me and I took the howling lad, whom I “felt” like giving a time out, and rocked and rocked and rocked him till he calmed down before depositing him in his bed for a very much needed nap obviously. Then this bad mommy disolved into tears because, hey, who can really be all these “bad” things stoically?
I’ll tell ya who… someone who really is bad!

And I think that’s the point. Today I have “felt” lousy about myself, but in my mind, somewhere hiding behind the times tables I used to know, is the knowledge that I’m not “really” a bad anything. Today I felt like a looser, but I’m not really a looser. I know that I’m not the “best” wife, mommy, housekeeper, or fill-in-the-blank. But I’m not a bad one either. Feelings just can’t be trusted. They loop around and toss me like a roller coaster, though not as fun, but they rarely reflect reality. Especially the negative ones. See, when I’m feeling like a bad whatever, I forget the good things about it. I forget that when I have to ‘hound’ my toddler every minuted of the day to keep him “right” it’s still Mommy that he wants to tuck him in at night. I forget that when I don’t fulfill the “perfect wife” role, my hubby tells me how perfect I am and how he’s so lucky to be with me. I forget that when I didn’t vacuum the floor, there are people who live in cardboard, and that down the road I won’t care about what a perfectly clean house I had.
So for whatever it’s worth those are my ‘feelings’ and thoughts for today. Now I’m going to go pick up the million legos, make the bed, clean the bathroom (please, I know!) and forget about the crumbs and mushed up fruit loops on the floor. Then I’m going to play with my littlest love, and let his laughter get mine going. Because even though I’m not the best, I’m still good!

I feel like I’ve been running a bunch of little races lately. It’s been busy! A weekend ago we were at Stu’s parent’s place. Well, we had a wonderful kidless anniversary at a really nice bed and breakfast! That was fun! Then I had a CCW course so that I can be a pistol packin’ mama. Now to wait the 75 days they have to even look at the application before I can get the license… but that’s okay. Gives me time to shop for a nice bag. Anyway…
This weekend… well week, I was taking wedding photos for one of our “camp couples.” Two of our summer staff from previous summers got hitched at camp! What fun! They asked Stu and I to do their photos, so we did, mostly I did. We had a photo shoot on Wednesday with just the bride and groom, then did the regular wedding photos on Friday for the wedding. I begin to understand why most photographers charge so much! It’s exhausting work!! But it IS fun too. I enjoyed it, and am glad for the experience. We also did the digital video so we’ll have to work on a lot of post processing for both the photos and the video. Those were the 2 elements that we were disappointed in with our wedding, so we tried to do a great job so this couple wouldn’t feel the same. Of course we PAID our photographer, and he still did a lousy job! We made sure to let our couple know that we are NOT professional so not to have those kinds of expectations. Still, I think we got enough really good shots that they’ll be very happy with it. Wedding photography is something that I could totally get into as long as I get to know my camera better and am confident with it. I’m sure I could do a swell job, and I like to do creative, non-typical stuff too, so we’ll see if that ever goes anywhere.
There’s a ladies retreat coming up that I and several of the other “camp wives” will be going too. I’m really looking forward to it. One, it’ll be a break from the kids and laundry. Ha! And two, I’ve not been to a ladies retreat since I was the ‘youth speaker/singer” at one 4 years or so ago. Anyway, I went to one in high school and it kind of turned me off to ladies retreats. The women stayed up all night talking about child birth and playing pranks on one another. Hmmmm…. well, I’m sure this one will be great! Hopefully it’ll make me want to go back again.
The boys are doing well. Qade is learning to share, slowly. He has learned the ever popular word “mine.” Especially when it comes to his treasured cars. He has 10 of them or more, but heaven forbid Myles try to touch one. Even if Qade is not playing with them at that moment, he NEEDS it as soon as Myles makes a move to touch one. Qade is learning to use his words more though. He now will say “No, thank you” instead of just yell NO if he doesn’t want something. He’s also learning to tell us what the problem is or what has happened to him rather than scream…. sometimes. Just a couple of days ago several times he would laugh at something then say “funny.” It’s so fun to watch him learn and apply concepts. I mean really, how would you explain funny??
Myles is pulling himself up on EVERYTHING now! He’s even figured out how to get back down! I thought it would be awhile before he figured out the lowering part. I had to rescue him several times at nap and bedtime when he was “stuck” standing up, but it was only a couple days till he figured out how to get down by himself. He’s not nearly as cautious as Qade was. Myles doesn’t mind just letting go and flopping on his rump, but Qade would absolutely not let go unless he could come down gently. It’s been fun to watch the boys play together. Myles probably would enjoy some solo play more often. Qade tends to follow him around everywhere trying to instigate a wrestling match by pushing him down on the floor or sitting on top of him. Myles has figured out that he can “holler” for help if brother is becoming too much. They do get along though and enjoy each other’s company. They would rather be together with all of the ‘irritations’ involved than to be by themselves. Cute!
Well, I’ll stop gabbing for now. We’ve been in computer transition lately with Stu getting a new laptop because of all the issues with the last one, so that’s part of why I’ve been neglecting my blog… that and the aforesaid business. So hopefully when MY computer comes in this week, yes I get one too!!!! I’ll be able to post more consistently. But first I must get through the photos and wedding video editing. Wish me luck!

Today I did some summer shopping, though the weather seemed hardly in the mood! It was blustery and cold all day, it even threatened to rain, but I don’t think any of us parched Arizona people would mind that! Still I went, and saw, and conquered! You all probably know that I am NOT the queen of shopping. In fact the least I can do of it the better in my mind. It’s even worse when it comes down to shopping for clothing for myself. I have a hard time. So today the goal was to find some clothes for summer since all of my pre-baby clothes have seemingly vanished, and even if they hadn’t I’m not so confident I should wear them anyway! I had low expectations for what I would find today too. Not that I wasn’t hopeful, but trying to be realistic knowing my track record. Well, I was pleasantly surprised and elated when I managed to find 4 or 5 tops (can’t remember how many now) and some capris and a pair of jeans (on sale!)!!! It was a successful shopping excursion to be sure! I’m so excited for the warm weather to arrive permanently so that I can actually put to use some of these things! Yay for me! Oh, and I might as well mention that all the shirts very neatly hide my muffin top, though I am still working on loosing it altogether! Hope you are all having as swell a weekend as I am. Toodles for now!

Hi friends! The last couple of days have been a blur to me. We woke up at 4am on Wednesday, with the help of Myles, and hit the road by 5:15. Stu was heading down to Phoenix on camp biz and we were all tagging along. However, due to strange circumstances we ended up going to his parent’s house first, ahhhh nice place to hang out. Then Stu was to go to the city and get stuff done while me and the lads hung out with the grandparents, Tiff and Aiden. Stu would come back for us when he had gathered all the craigslist stuff. It seemed like the perfect plan, but something went dreadfully wrong. My head was aching, not in an unusual way, from the early morning and drive and such, but I didn’t think too much of it at first. Unfortunately headaches have been a part of my life from a very early age. THIS one however proved to be of a different vein. It didn’t respond in the least to the extra strength Tylenol that I took and continued to get progressively worse as the hours went by. I tried just about everything that I’ve had success with in the past. At one point I was resting quietly for a bit, and it started to ease a little. BUT when you’re a mommy of two baby boys, it’s pretty much impossible to rest when they are not. Myles needed to eat so I was up again. It went downhill fast from there, and quiet honestly I can’t remember things well from it. I can say that I have not had a migraine that bad since I was pregnant with Qade. (Well, there was one this summer in Canada that was pretty close too..hmm) The distance between them doesn’t make up for their existence however. I’d much rather it hadn’t happened, and would be perfectly happy if it didn’t happen again. Anyway, during all of this Stu was driving all over Phoenix, but not as quickly as he anticipated, so it was going to end up very late before he was back. I was pretty desperate by the time he called at 6pm so I called him back in tears, as if that would help anything, poor guy. But I have to say that I have the best inlaws, and sis-in-law in the world! Tiff and Ina helped so much with the boys, and Duane pressed on my head to help the tension, it really helped too!! Wow! And to top it all off, they gave me their big comfy bed for the night and slept on an air mattress. I felt pretty guilty about that, but appreciated it more than words can say! Me and the lads all went to bed at 7 and I even fell asleep pretty fast. Stu ended up having to stay in the city overnight because he was totally wiped out. I wanted him with me so badly during the day, but his family took good care of me, and I felt so much better the next morning. If you’ve any experience with those headaches, you know that the next day you feel pretty wiped out too, but at least the unbearable pain is gone. Here’s a little perspective, I’ve had 2 babies, and would rather give birth ANY day than have a migraine!!! Ugh! But it’s over, and hopefully won’t be back for a LONG time, maybe never! Hey I can hope, right?
Well, we’re home now, and all comfy to be back! Stu’s fam will be coming back this way on Saturday and I’ll hopefully be a little more human while they’re here! I’m planning on making those delicious cinnamon rolls for them while they’re here! Nummmmmmm-mmmmyyyyyyyy! Have a great weekend!